To be completely honest, I wish I didn't have to blog about this. It seems that typing at a computer trying to convey the last few days without sounding distant or commonplace about our experience is inevitable, but since there is really no other way that I keep in touch with most of you, this will have to do...
As we happily announced a little more than a month ago, we were expecting our 3rd baby and couldn't have been happier...
My heart continues to break as I tell you that on Christmas Day, we knew that our little fighter would not make it. Almost halfway through the pregnancy, I was checked in to Labor and Delivery and had our baby boy at about 10:35 the next morning. There was never a heartbeat, but he was beautiful and tiny and perfect. We were able to name him and hold him for a few precious moments. We knew immediately that he was and continues to be a part of our family. We know we will see him again someday and that he is where he is happy and protected by a loving Heavenly Father.
We truly feel blessed to be a part of his life even for just a little while and we know our family was being watched over. We feel it was no coincidence that we were able to be at my parent's home for the holidays where our kids could be looked after with minimal disturbance and to be somewhere where we could be away from life for a while to grieve and be with those we love until we had to return home to reality and face others with the news of our loss. These last few days have been the hardest we have ever had to go through, but we know we will be okay and that it will get better.
Here is what Wade wrote about him a few moments after we were able to hold him...
"Today was a special day. Cole James Burnett was born and sadly passed away in the womb. Mandy and I held him, gave him little kisses and hugs, and just loved him. We are proud of him, love him, and know that he is happy."
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5 comments:
Oh Mandy, that just breaks my heart. Sorry that my condolences have to come in the impersonal way of blogging, but that's the way for me to contact you too:). I hope you guys will continue to find peace at this time of your lives. You guys sure had a rough year. We'll be praying for your family.
My heart just aches for your family. I will pray that you may have as much peace as possible while you are going through this extremely hard trial. Love you guys!
I wish I could do more for you then tell you how much you all have meant to us. I can't imagine how hard if must be for you. We pray for you everyday and miss you guys.
:(.... I am sorry for you and your families hurting Amanda. Tears filled my eyes when I read your post. What a hard experience. Yours is the second loss I have heard about this week. It breaks my heart. I hope you guys find happiness and peace again. Love ya
I saw this when you first posted it, and have been thinking about you and your family ever since. I didn't post a comment at first because I just didn't know what to say. My heart just aches for you. I know what I say won't make things any easier or better, but just know that I love you and that you are in my thoughts and prayers. YOu are an amazingly strong person, and know that you will get to meet your little Cole again one day - and that you will be able to raise him. I can't even fathom how difficult this must be. Isn't such a comfort to know that Families truly can be together forever?
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